Building Your Ally “Ship”
By Joy Hosey –
Long-term partnering is a lot like an on-going high-seas adventure in your very own relation “ship.” And like a ship, your vessel has many compartments that hold the precious cargo of your combined lives: Family, friends, intimacy, play, work, home, finances, to name a few.
Take a moment to consider the current shape of your relation-ship. Is it a luxury liner or a barge? Or perhaps it feels more like a remake of The Titanic?
If – and before – you find that your relation-ship is foundering, consider recommitting to an even larger container of Love known as allyship.
What is an ally?
An ally is someone who intuitively knows that their soul’s evolution is intrinsically woven with their partner and honors this sacred connection. Allies understand that the arc of relationship is long. They remind themselves that petty ego skirmishes are minor weather patterns in what is a big sky of long-term loving. When you commit to being an ally – and choose to perceive your partner as one – you create a space for larger truths to be revealed. This can be helpful when petty judgments (aka criticizing, blaming) begin to permeate your daily lives.
Principles of Healthy Allyship include:
• Trust your partner’s process
• See them in their wholeness (esp. when they are fixated on a smaller version of themselves)
• Stay present when your partner is upset (do not fix, blame or coddle)
• Tell your truth, including the difficult ones
• Support them in following their truth (and follow your own)
• Embrace challenges as opportunities to grow
• Be more committed to your evolution–and theirs–than you are to old, defensive patterns
• Acknowledge & appreciate your ally often!
Imagine embodying these principles and living them. If your energy/vitality increases as you do so, then I invite your to try on the following Ally Commitment. Say it out loud, either alone or with your partner. Breathe after each time you say it, allowing the words to penetrate your being. Notice any resistances you may have and allow them to surface and be acknowledged. Take your time. Say it daily, both to yourself and your partner.
Remember, a commitment is not a platitude. It is a reflection of a core value that aligns us with a greater truth of our essence. It feels good when we align with this truth, that’s why we recommit to it, again and again.
Sometimes the stresses of life, especially parenting, can lead to us forgetting how to appreciate ourselves as allies. If you are interested in taking your already great relationship to the next level – or are in need of shoring up some leaks in your allyship -relationship coaching can help. It offers a safe space to explore new practices that reestablish trust, encourage intimacy and remind you what you’re here to learn about yourself in the sacred vessel known as relationship.